Can Relationship Counselling Help Before Things Reach Crisis Point?

Many people contact me for relationship counselling when things have already become very difficult. There may have been an affair, arguments have become constant, communication has broken down or one or both people are questioning whether the relationship can continue.

But relationship counselling doesn’t have to be a last resort.

At LinkedUp Counselling, I also work with individuals and couples who simply recognise that something in their relationship could be better. They may want to understand each other more easily, communicate differently or deal with something before it develops into a much bigger problem.

You don’t have to wait until your relationship is falling apart before asking for some support.

You don’t have to have a “bad” relationship

Sometimes there isn’t one big problem.

You might feel that you and your partner have become a little disconnected. Perhaps conversations turn into arguments more easily than they once did, you keep going around in circles over the same issue, or it feels harder to talk openly about how you are feeling.

I often see relationships affected by changes happening elsewhere in life. Becoming parents, work pressures, illness, children leaving home, retirement or simply having less time together can all change the dynamic between two people.

That doesn’t necessarily mean there is something fundamentally wrong with your relationship.
Sometimes it is simply useful to stop, look at what is happening between you and give yourselves an opportunity to do something differently.

Understanding the patterns you have fallen into

Every one of us brings our own experiences, expectations and ways of communicating into a relationship.
You might be someone who needs to talk through a problem straight away, while your partner needs time and space before they can discuss it. One person may think they are trying to resolve an issue, while the other experiences the same conversation as criticism or pressure.

These patterns can develop gradually and, once they have become familiar, it can be difficult to see them clearly when you are in the middle of them.

My role isn’t to decide who is right and who is wrong.

I work with you to understand what is happening between you, open up conversations that may have become difficult and help you look at the ways you respond to each other.

That might mean finding different ways to communicate, recognising what tends to trigger an argument, learning to listen to each other differently or becoming more confident about expressing what you actually need.

Why consider relationship counselling before you reach crisis point?

When frustration, resentment or hurt have been building for a long time, even quite small disagreements can begin to carry the weight of everything that has happened before.

Working on things earlier can give you the opportunity to talk while there is still plenty of goodwill between you.

I regularly work with people who are not looking to end their relationship at all. In fact, quite the opposite. They want to invest in it.

You might want to improve the way you deal with disagreements, feel closer again, talk more openly about sex or intimacy, understand a change in your relationship or simply make sure that small difficulties don’t become bigger ones.

Relationship counselling can be about strengthening what you already have, not just trying to repair something once it has broken down.

What if my partner doesn’t want to come?

You don’t have to attend relationship counselling as a couple.

At LinkedUp Counselling, I work with individuals as well as couples.

You may want to understand your own feelings about a relationship, look at behaviours or patterns that seem to repeat, or have somewhere confidential to think about what you want.

Sometimes one person is ready to talk to somebody before their partner is. Individual relationship counselling can still help you understand your own responses and consider what you may be able to change.

What will happen when we come to counselling?

There isn’t a standard formula, because every person and every relationship is different.

I will usually begin by finding out what has brought you to counselling and what you would like to be different.

We can then start to look together at what is happening within the relationship, how you communicate, where difficulties arise and what may be sitting underneath them.

Some people come to me with one very clear issue that they want to address. Others simply know that something doesn’t feel quite right but find it difficult to put into words.

Both are perfectly good places to start.

My aim is to give you the space to have those conversations, help you understand what may be happening and work with you to consider what could change.

Relationship counselling in Hampshire and online

I offer relationship counselling for both individuals and couples through LinkedUp Counselling from my private counselling room in Shirrell Heath, Hampshire, close to Wickham and Bishop’s Waltham.

I also offer online relationship counselling via Zoom if that is more convenient for you.

If you’re wondering whether relationship counselling could help but you’re not quite sure whether you’re ready to book a session, I offer a free 15-minute telephone consultation. It gives us an opportunity to have a brief conversation about what has brought you here and whether working together might be right for you.

You don’t need to wait for a crisis.

Sometimes noticing that something could be better, and deciding to talk about it, is enough reason to begin.

Thinking about relationship counselling?

If you’d like to find out whether relationship counselling could be helpful for you, you can read more about my sessions and fees or arrange a free 15-minute telephone consultation.